A Delicate Balance

Investing in my relationship with Christ while keeping up with the demands of life, that so easily take over every minute of my day is, well, difficult. Once upon a time I would get up early before work and spend 30 minutes in scripture and in prayer. I took time to really invest in a relationship with the One who holds my life in His hands. And if not in the morning, then at night before bed. 

That was before kids. 

It's different now. Yes, I should make time for God before family, work, etc... It's not so easy though, when your 2 year old demands every ounce of energy you have left after work and your infant demands all of your night leaving...zero energy. When all is said and done I often have nothing left for God. Or at least that's how I feel. I will try to get in a few minutes of scripture reading here and there but it seems like I am just going through the motions. It's easy for me to get frustrated with myself because "it's not enough" and end up spending no time at all because "God deserves more." How do I give 100% to everything? 

It is a delicate balance. One that seems too difficult to achieve sometimes.

 In this season of life my children need a lot from me. I have this vision in my head from childhood of my mother closing her door during the day or retreating to her car and spending hours alone with God studying scripture and journaling pages in prayer. I need to remember that though it may be the ideal, it is not exactly possible for me at this time. Any time I can spend with God is valuable in building our relationship. For me this means talking to God any chance I get and even staying up "late" (we go to bed around 8-9 around here) after everyone has gone to bed and pushing through my exhaustion to spend time with my Lord. He is worth that effort.

Recently I began reading through the Psalms and Psalm 3 has really resonated with me. Psalm 3:3-5 says  "But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me."

The Lord is my sustainer. I may be tired and worn from the day but I only wake up each morning because of Him. He is the key to the delicate balance. He will get me through this season and through the trials of the next. I need only to lean on Him.